System Restore

As we prepare to leave for Houston tomorrow bright and early (6am flight!), it's hard not to think about what things were like a few (loooong) weeks ago before the interruption, hiccup, or snafu.  Normal. Whatever that is.  But all is different now... why?  After two weeks at home healing from the infection and surgery, the second surgery in Houston is finally a few days away.  Please join me in praying that every cancer cell is already gone (and never comes back!), the surgery is a success, and for a complication-free recovery. We are humbled at the outpouring of love and encouragement shown to us... thank you friends for truly being love to us and fighting for us.

I was thinking this morning about a day at work not too long ago. We do all our work on computers where all the patient charts are located... so when a computer messes up, everything stops. This particular day, my laptop went haywire and after performing the only technical move I know (ctrl+alt+delete) with no success, I made the SOS call to our system guys upstairs. Undoubtedly, there was some kind of worm on my computer that kept it from turning on.  Thanks to Sean, I learned another technical move that morning:  system restore.  This means you can tell your computer to go back a few days and basically "forget" everything that has happened in-between (i.e. infection with system worm) and go on like nothing has happened. Wow. Cool.

Often these last few weeks, I've thought what it would be like to do just that. To be able to "go back" to life like nothing has happened... just forget, and wake up from this bad dream. Of course we have done this before too, anytime something happens that isn't according to what I want or what I think should have happened. Wishing for a 'do-over', so to speak.

Back when Bruce and I lived in Lexington, KY and Mom was battling cancer, I heard a song with a message I'll never forget. Written by Sara Groves, the title is "Painting Pictures of Egypt" and it describes the Israelites wandering in the desert after leaving Egypt... and their possible tendency to want to go back instead of waiting on God's promises.  The line that hit home to me is:

"The places that used to fit me cannot hold the things I've learned"

How true. It is so easy to romanticize the past and do more than reminisce... to covet what things were like before and not wait on the promises of the future:  HOPE.  

Wouldn't it be nice to go back to the morning of 9/15/11 before the call from my dermatologist? Oh, but how much more would we lose? Even in this short six weeks, God has already taught us so much. The places that used to fit me cannot hold the things I've learned...  

Teach us, Lord, to number our days and never waver in unbelief, being fully persuaded You are faithful and have the power to do what You have promised (Romans 4:20-21).

Monkey Who?

Saturday, the Warf clan made our first visit to the good ole Jackson Zoo. Silas and Avery love to point and say "woof" to every animal that passes by on our wagon rides down our street... so Bruce and I thought it was about time to introduce them to the lions, tigers, and bears!  It was a big hit. And what a beautiful day it was with the clear skies and brisk breeze - finally, welcome fall!  

The orangutans weren't too excited to see us...

We were in awe ourselves!

 The leopards were playing and entertaining, and Silas and Avery couldn't get enough!

 Miss Avery is usually all smiles, but we have now found something that makes Mr. Silas grin from ear to ear. Although Avery liked the animals, she grew a little tired of going from exhibit to exhibit... Silas, on the other hand, "got it" and pointed and oohed and ahhed at every different kind. In fact, we were watching the big turtles through the glass and Silas laughed and pointed at the one doing flips in the water... Meanwhile, Avery was more concerned with her reflection in the glass! haha.

Here is the little animal lover!

We waved to the otters....

And had a staring contest with the bear...

 The bear won.

What a fun way to spend a beautiful day!

Bedtime with Avery

Answer: A party.  On Jeopardy, one might say "What is life for Avery."

Since she was only a few weeks old, Avery has hated going to sleep. Thirteen months later, things are no different. I posted a video of Silas going to sleep a few months ago, so I thought I'd share a little of what goes on in the Warf house between 8:00pm and 9:00pm (sometimes 10pm or 11pm) every night.

6:30:  Suppertime. Silas and Avery both love to eat.
7:00:  Milk in cup and playtime
7:15 or 7:30:  Bathtub. Silas and Avery love bath time even more.
7:45: Pajamas and wind down
8:00: Put Silas in his bed (that he is reaching for) and tell him good night. He lies down and goes to sleep himself.
8:01: Hold Avery tightly so she cannot move. Imagine trying to hold a fish after it's just been caught. Oh, and one that can moan and scream while wriggling.  I usually break a sweat.
8:10:  Avery has now broken a sweat too. She begins to give it up and gets still, sweetly staring into my eyes.
8:11:  Avery starts to giggle through her paci as she forces her pointer finger into my mouth or pinches my nose. I try with all my might not to laugh or let my shoulders shake while suppressing laughter.
8:15:  She's still again. Even begins to have droopy eyelids.
8:20:  Giggles again. Then wiggles again. I can just hear her little brain talking:  oooooh. squeals. My feet just want to dance. My hands just want to wave. My lips just want to sing!!!!  ooooo.  Sorry Momma, I just can't help it.
Now we're both laughing. Darn. Must start over.
8:30:  Avery is singing. But her eyes begin to close. I hold my breath.
8:45:  I think we're asleep!
8:50:  Sllllooooowwwwwllllyyyy get up to put Avery down.
9:00:  Close door and perform victorious fist pump in air.

If we're lucky, she starts singing and jumping again about 6:30 or 7:00am.

Enduring Hope

Finally made it home Tuesday. The doctors have me on oral antibiotics for 10 days and wound care 2 x day. MD Anderson has now rescheduled my lymph node surgery until November 2nd to give the infection and wound enough time to heal from the surgery last Friday. I'll go out November 1st to see Dr. Ross, have an anesthesia consult and blood work and surgery the next morning. I understand the typical thing after this surgery is to stay in the hospital about 3 days and probably another night or two in Houston before coming home. I've been told that I'll be off work 4 weeks afterwards, and I'll start the interferon treatments three weeks after the surgery when I meet with the medical oncologist.

Please pray with me that the cancer is already gone... that this surgery is only a formality on the protocol for stage III melanoma. Pray that every cancer cell is gone and never comes back. A wonderful friend reminded me yesterday: Just as quickly as the cells appear, they can disappear. What seems like a miracle to us is something as simple as breathing to our Heavenly Father, Great Physician.

As the days get long here at home waiting on the next step, it is easy to let my mind wander and become overwhelmed with the weight of the situation. I was reading in Romans this morning: "The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace." (verse 6). How true - we MUST guard our minds and keep focused on the Holy Spirit in order to keep fear at bay and remember peace. There seems to be a theme in Romans chapters 5 and 8. Finding hope through hard times.

"our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." Romans 8:18
"...boast in hope of the glory of God...and also know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. Romans 5:3-4

Both passages point out that hope is found through suffering and trials... that we can only truly find hope when we experience trials or hard times. Now how we "rejoice" during the hard times, that's a different story, right?  In those passages, we are told not only to rejoice but to "triumph". Right. This really sounds sick or bizarre to the world - it doesn't make sense at all. As believers in Christ, we can rejoice ONLY because we know the outcome is HOPE.

After all, isn't hope itself the essence of Christianity? The Greek word used throughout the New Testament for hope literally translates a "strong and confident expectation". A certainty. Isn't it easier to believe that?  Once we truly understand and find hope, we can truly believe.

I guess in a way, going through "something hard" makes us tougher Christians. I am in the "movement" profession - physical therapy... we're in the business of helping make people stronger, better able to endure through life's activities.  In a nutshell, we know the only way to make bones stronger is to stress them. The only way to make muscles and tissues stronger is to stress them. The only way to have better balance is to stress the current system. hmm. What a parallel.

As an athlete (an aging one at that!), the Bible verses about perseverance and running the race and finishing strong have always spoken to me. And it has recently occurred to me why God used running as his sport of analogy rather than something like, oh, football, baseball, basketball, or even tennis. Running is about finishing, not necessarily winning (although the feeling of passing someone down the stretch does give a little rush!). In all other sports, we can play, even finish, but still not win... in a race (more like the marathon kind), to finish IS to win.

Abraham knew this, or learned this. Back when mom was going through her treatment over 7 years ago (stop: praise God!!!), Romans chapter 4 was a passage I read every single day. The whole chapter. I read that chapter on the plane to Houston last Thursday and repeated this verse over and over lying in the MRI and CT machines:
"...yet he did not waver in unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what He has promised." Romans 4:20-21

Hope. The way we endure.

Time with Papaw

While I was in the hospital, my parents graciously stayed at my house to keep the twins... who obviously had a blast playing with Mimi and Papaw. Bruce went to work Sunday and Mom came to stay with me, so Papaw and cousin Caleb were under the twin mob rule. 

From what I hear, they did an outstanding job with suppertime (after Avery reminded them about the necessary bibs) and played, played, played. I received this picture from Dad afterwards.

Ahhhh!

"Papaw, Silas needed his clothes (and the drawer liner) cleaned out.  I took care of that for you."

I must note that the house (and babies) was in pristine condition when we got home!  

Hop on Pop

Poppy and Moppy came to stay and help with the kids while I was in the hospital... I had to share this cute picture: 

By the way, they're reading Hop on Pop. 

More cute pictures from Watercolor, 10/1/11:

Avery thinks Eleanor is a real baby doll. Too cute.

And she still thinks Mimi is a big play toy... absolutely adores her... as does Silas!!

Breakfast with royalty (waffles and a banana): 

Silas with his peas and carrots... and his own spoon

"Don't look! I couldn't make the spoon work well enough..."

Avery excited. About everything. 

"Oh nooooo, you can't take my picture before I get dressed! And somebody put this ridiculous thing in my hair!"

Or... maybe Avery has been watching some Ole Miss Rebel football. One picture in the first half and the latter in the second half.....  Go Bears, right?

Would you hold, please?

Don't you hate it when someone says that?

Thursday's appointments in Houston went really well. Dr. Ross was very pleased with my scar and how 'well I'd healed' and didn't even take the stitches out since surgery was scheduled for the 21st. He took some fluid off which made my leg feel better and I went on with the day: MRI brain and CTs of chest, abdomen, and pelvis. We flew home Thursday night and crashed.

I got up Friday morning early to get ready for work, got dressed, and felt like I might faint. Told the clinic I'd be a little late and decided to lie down and try to feel better. I called Houston at 8am (Houston, we have a problem...) and explained what was going on and they told me to go straight to the ER, that I might be getting an infection. In other news, the MRI brain and CTs were all good! (i.e. no cancer seen there)

Turns out, yes, a nasty infection had popped up in less than 12 hours. The doctors decided there was no choice Friday afternoon but to have surgery to clean everything out. So darn, looks like everything else will be put on hold for a little while.

As of now, I'm still in the hospital on IV antibiotics, praying the infection begins to subside. I'm also praying MD Anderson will go ahead with the lymph node surgery as soon as possible even though there is a big open hole in my leg. We know the surgery won't be the 21st as originally planned, but really no idea when it will/can be done. I'm being optimistic and praying hard it'll be done in a week.

I keep looking at Bruce and asking, "is this really happening?" How could life a month ago be so different? Why in the world do mr. melanoma and mrs. infection think they have some right to come in and totally disrupt our life?! Over the past 3 whirlwind weeks, I've been reminded many times of the passage in John 9. Jesus and his disciples passed a blind man on the road. The disciples asked Jesus why that man was blind... was it because the man or his parents had sinned? Jesus was quick to answer no, of course not. This man is blind so that "the works of God can be displayed in him".

No, cancer is not from God. Neither are holding penalties from infections (we're watching football right now). As tempting as it is to dwell on the 'why' all is happening, we mustn't. We know the answer: So that God can be glorified. That's all.

Watercolor

What a fun weekend we had in Watercolor, FL for Caleb and Abbie's wedding!  Mom rented an awesome house and we all enjoyed a great long weekend with absolutely beautiful weather!  Silas and Avery were not shy about ruling the new roost. Let's just say that Avery fell down 4-5 stairs within the first 15 minutes we were there. (yes, we were watching her...just must have blinked. She's quick as lightening) So now you know the origin on any bruises on foreheads you might notice in the pictures below.

Peepeye, Papaw! Good morning

What glee. Notice that she has Silas' cup and he has her pink cup.

Wish I had sound with these pictures. Notice Silas got his cup back;)

Happy boy!

Now the next series begins Avery's photo shoot with Aunt GG. Notice the beginning pose. Then she just gets goofy. Silly girl.

Our best try at a family picture

Congratulations Caleb and Abbie!!!

Intermediate Update

Below is an email Bruce sent out yesterday. 

Thank you all for your continued prayers for Meredith and our family.  We will continue to need those more than ever as her report came back today with evidence of melanoma in 2 of the 4 lymph nodes that were removed during surgery.  This means she will now most likely have to have surgery to remove the remaining lymph nodes in her leg next Friday, October 21.  She will be in the hospital for 3-4 days after surgery at MD Anderson then will be home for what looks to be interferon injections for 1 year.  We return to MD Anderson this Thursday for CTs and MRIs to ensure the cancer has not spread to other areas of the body and meet with Dr. Ross to discuss the surgery and the treatment options afterward.  We are grateful for all of you and covet your prayers during this time.  I will list a few things that you all can pray for.

-Pray that Christ and the Gospel would be proclaimed and exemplified through this process

-Pray for rest for Meredith and that she can sleep

-Pray that no evidence of cancer spreading will be found

-Pray that all cancer cells are gone and no other cells are found in the remaining lymph nodes

-Pray for those treating Meredith

-Pray for her recovery from surgery

-Pray for limited side effects from her treatments

-Pray for opportunities not be missed with our children and family

-Pray for Silas and Avery as we are away from them

Thank you all so much for praying for Meredith.  We thank God for each of you and consider you our family.

I will update when we know the 'plan'.