All is different now. Why?

As I sit to write this, I think about the summer months I spent working on and editing my Mom's book - wondering what she must have felt, praying to capture the reality of how life changes with one word: Cancer. Little did I know that I would be hearing that same word a few months later. I noticed a new mole at the end of August on my upper thigh. It was actually very small, but pink - unlike my plethora of 'freckles' or 'spots' that come with my lovely skin tone, light hair, light eyes, etc. I immediately made a dermatologist appointment as it was time for my yearly checkup anyway. Three weeks later at that appointment, the doctor removed the pink raised dot and claimed she "didn't really know what that is, but since it's new we'll take it off to see. I'm pretty sure it's just a little 'age spot'". The next Monday, she called me at work mid-afternoon to tell me how shocked she was that the pathology report said Invasive Malignant Melanoma.

I had walked outside the clinic to answer my phone and sank to my feet (along with my stomach falling out) and of course couldn't think straight. I begged her to get me in to see the surgeon the next day and she was able to do that, thankfully. Meanwhile, I called a friend who'd gone to MD Anderson to have her melanoma surgery - she encouraged me to call just to see. I called MD Anderson on Monday to start the process of seeing a doctor there if need be (or possibility be).

After a whirlwind of events while time seemed to go in slow motion (who knew a week could last soooo long), Bruce and I drove to Houston Wednesday for my 10am appointment Thursday morning with the Melanoma surgeon. After a day of testing yesterday, I'm in the hotel room this morning awaiting the noon arrival time at the hospital for my surgery this afternoon.

Honestly, I've made it my goal not to stop and think - not to let my mind wander to anything that might resemble a case of the "what-ifs". This time last week, nothing was really different about me. I haven't had a traumatic accident, been sick, nothing life changing. But how is it that now, everything has changed?  We hear one word and all of a sudden, life is changed forever. I never have been one to think 'it'll never happen to me' - especially after Mom's story, but I think there is always a secret immunity perceived when you've always been told you were healthy.

And I still feel healthy. Fine, actually. Except for the little 'pains' my mind is attuned to since I know there is something on my upper thigh that needs to be gone. G.O.N.E.

The word Cancer represents more broad a spectrum of diseases than I can comprehend, and I respect and applaud the gifted medical personnel impassioned to learn more about each facet of living with it and especially getting RID of it. What I do know is that God doesn't create disease. In fact, there will be no diseases in Heaven, there are no diseases with Christ. Satan would love to evade our earthly bodies with disease, only with the purpose of inhibiting us from telling others about our Great Physician.

We know very well the faithfulness of our Father, the shelter underneath the shadow of His wings. And wait there. Repeating over and over in my mind, "I trust You. I trust You. I believe You."